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Dealing with Abusive Children
When confronted with an abusive child, the most common thing we adults do is reiterate with our own collection of adjectives. A child does not abuse just for the sake of doing so – there has to be a deep rooted reason to such behavior from him. So, just by giving it back to him, threatening or spanking him or taking similar harsh actions against him at that moment will not only aggravate the situation but might take things out of complete control.
Rather than reciprocating, it would be more prudent to try to discover the root of the problem and accordingly seek for a solution.
A child may become abusive due to several reasons – the primary one being that he has already seen the people around him use similar abusive behaviors to get things done which otherwise would not be possible. It seems to give him more powers to subdue a sedate responder. If he has done something wrong he might use this technique to try to divert attention from that aspect. He may also be using this ploy to force parents to change a routine that he does not like but cannot directly state otherwise.
No child is born bad; it is always the environment that moulds him as life progresses. He learns the way he sees everything around him happening. Inadequate affection, lack of attention, jealousy, incompetence, inability of maintaining the expected pace, unable to solve his own problems, socio-economic conflicts, may all result in such outbursts of foul language from him which are basically attempts to cover up such perceived deficiencies.
There are basically two levels of abusive children – the ones as stated above and the other type who oversteps this line and not only abuses but also physically harms and humiliates people around him and even threatens to harm themselves, if obstructed. These are obviously serious cases and one might even have to resort to psychiatric or similar treatments to help the child return to normalcy.
The actual truth is that parents and teachers have to teach our children the day to day problem solving tricks and skills and make them understand that tantrums, yelling, screaming, and calling names, abusing verbally and bullying are not going to solve any problem. The more we allow them to get their way through abusive language the less prepared they will be for dealing with Life’s problems in the future.
They have to understand that occasionally one will have to confront a “no” and accept it, like it or not.