Dysfunctional Relationships

Love is all consuming, right? Wrong. A healthy relationship doesn’t consume. It only gives. It is founded by passion and not obsession. A healthy relationship is one which helps the emotional growth of all persons involved. True love is beneficial for both persons – as individuals and as a couple.

A dysfunctional love doesn’t let you become a better person. It impedes your growth and that of your loved one. Dysfunctional love is characterized with a queer obsession of controlling the other person. In a dysfunctional love, you lose all compassion, understanding and tolerance, thereby weakening the very foundation of love. There is limited sense of freedom and little, if any, sense of security.

Love has to be based on a sense of mutual respect and security. Where that goes missing, the rest is easy to destroy. When you want nothing from your partner but for them to be a shadow of your own, little good can come out of such a relationship. You pass on your insecurities to your partner, who in turn looks for an escape route. Generally in a dysfunctional relationship, an escape route is not really available and professional help has to be sought in most cases.

Respect is important in a relationship. Respecting your partner’s dreams and aspirations means respecting their values and what they stand for. In a dysfunctional relationship, not only do partners disrespect each other values, they often do it publicly. Your partner’s achievements begin to seem like a threat to your own identity.

When one partner becomes selfish and gets obsessed with controlling the other partner’s life, love can never blossom. Whatever little feelings were there, gradually wilt and the relationship becomes an abomination.

With all these problems in a dysfunctional relationship, acceptance of each other’s imperfections is almost next to impossible. In fact, in most dysfunctional relationships, partners tend to magnify each others’ imperfections and shortcomings thereby pronouncing them unfit for anyone but themselves.

Fights and quarrels are common in relationships, however, in a dysfunctional one, when a fight begins, it continues for several days to come. Sometimes, it only ends with the end of the relationship altogether. When you feel that you are trapped in one, the only good thing that you can do is to accept that the worst has happened and move on.