Is He Commitment Phobic… or is it me?

Commitment phobia as the name itself states is the fear of commitment. It could be fear of committing to anything but more often than not it a fear of a man or a women to commit to a long term relationship. In some cases, there may be a real fear where you don’t want to commit but at the same time you secretly crave the life that commitment offers.

In a relationship, there are some tell tale signs which can point to the person suffering from commitment phobia.  You may be biased against a relationship when you state “Men are jerks” or if your partner insists that “All women run after money”. These seem like a rational way to justify avoiding a committed relationship and show that the person has been hurt in a previous relationship.

Usually, men are considered to be more commitment phobic than women, but that is not so every time. We can safely say that it is not a gender specific thing and there are many women out there afraid of the C word.

In a relationship, the biggest paradox is that the commitment phobic yearns for what he/she fears the most, namely deep connection and love. The causes could be many for such behaviors ranging from traumatic childhood experiences to abusive relationships or even intimacy issues.

Commitment phobia has certain beliefs about relationships which are hard for them to let go. Sometimes it is a good tool as it prevents you from getting into a relationship too soon and hurting yourself. These people may take a long time in forming opinions which may not necessarily be a harmful thing.

While this may be a good thing, on the other hand it could also make you throw away the perfect partner by simply inventing reasons to get out of the relationship. In such cases, the commitment phobic person is going to land up with a broken heart as no person will wait around forever. You can know if you are suffering this if you try and sabotage a perfectly good relationship which is going very well just to break it off by having unrealistically high expectations.

Whether it is you or your partner, the answer to commitment phobia always lies within yourself. Self analysis and working out the argument within you are the best ways to overcome this particular affliction.