Setting Personal Boundaries in Relationships

In any relationship it is important to set personal boundaries. This will give a clear picture to both partners of what they expect from each other and of themselves. Boundaries need not necessarily mean building walls, it is more about creating personal spaces to respect each and other and one’s self.

Setting boundaries is good for people. It helps them understand themselves better and in turn helps nurture healthy relationships. One of the ways in which you could understand how and what kind of boundaries you need to create is by following these simple steps:

•    Retrospection– it is essential to first retrospect and think of past relationships you have had. This will help you gain a perspective about yourself and about how you work with other people.

•    Introspection – once you have a record of your past relationships, it will then be easier for you to introspect, keeping in mind things that have worked and things that have not been favorable to you.

•    Taking a stance – once you are aware about what works and does not work for you, it is a critical stage when you need to make your views heard. This does not necessarily mean imposing your thoughts or expecting other people to change their perception to your liking. It means gaining an inner understanding to take a stance about your thoughts; by not comprising yet not intimidating the person you are relating to.

•    Communication – once you are self confident, it is important to communicate your thoughts to the other person. Lack of communication often leads to conflicts, confusion and misunderstood perception of arrogance or obstinacy.

•     Receptiveness – once you have communicated your views, be mentally prepared for reactions. People are unique and have different viewpoints. It will be best if you do not take matters personally and gain the maturity to understand that people have their own set of beliefs; and that you should expect them to understand you or at times even accept what you are trying to say.

•    Responsibility – if you are creating your space, you should take responsibility for your views and be proud about it. In any relationship, people do not like moving out of their comfort zones. By building boundaries you may be disrupting this deceptive comfort and therefore you have to be prepared or take responsibility for any consequences.

•    Adjustment – you have to also think of the person you are relating to. Just like you need time and space to adjust to changes, it is well justified and appropriate to give space to the other person to digest your perspective.

Creating boundaries is a healthy process. An ideal situation would be such that you totally cocoon yourself in your own world, but it also does not mean you are totally accepting of anybody else’s views. If dealt with properly, making your own personal space definitely leads to better self confidence, respect, awareness and understanding while at the same time it also foster a healthy and ever lasting relationship.